I have lived in fear of power. The power of my own body and it’s physical abilities. The power of my voice and my opinion. The power of my decisions and influence over others. The power I have within myself to succeed. The power to lead others to success. The physical power gained by building muscle. The confidence gained with believing I have power.
I have lived in fear of all of these things because part of me wonders if I’m capable of this sort of power. We live in a very power dominated society:
Strong versus weak.
Big versus small.
Rich versus poor.
Upperclass versus low-class.
Instead of exerting my power on others with money, threats, or control. I have realized that true power comes from within myself.
How do I know that I will be good enough for this level of power? As I’ve gotten stronger I feel my doubts diminishing. The gym is empowering to learn that I am powerful. I am capable of moving heaviness. I produce the power to move the weights with authority. I move them the way that I want, they do not move me. With this new level of physical power, my inner strength has grown.
I used to like the idea of being thin and fragile, so helpless that I could not do things on my own. I needed others to believe that I was capable. I needed their strength to show me that I was competent. I doubted myself so much that I lost my own voice, my own light, my own inner strength and power. Now I see that that’s no way to live. Why should I depend on others for my own happiness? What’s stopping me from going after what I want? I had dimmed my own light in fear of how brightly it would shine. I am learning that I do have the power to step into the light.
Lots of Love,